Connecting on the Dance Floor

I have a limp today. Muscle overuse. I was doing what I most love- dancing- and I’ve no regrets. My last two days were spent at the Cumberland Shuffle, a dance weekend for lovers of swing dance, Lindy Hop, and Charleston. I learned a little about every move I’ve ever wanted to learn for the weekly swing dances here in sunny, danceable Nashvegas.

The only down side to this phenomenal weekend (aside from the full-body ache) was that I didn’t arrive pre-partnered. While it didn’t hinder my learning, it does mean a little delay perfecting my dance moves as soon as I’d like. I’ll learn and relearn these moves with every partner out on the dance floor, each with his own style of leading. Not having a regular partner also meant more than a few unexpected moments of reflection.

It’s all about connectedness on the dance floor- connection between you and your partner. At times, you maintain a careful but relaxed “frame” holding both your partner’s hands. Sometimes your right hand is clasped with his left, your other resting feather-like on his arm. And in those most exhilarating moments, (like in Drags, for you swing dancers), you must share a full body bear hug with your partner, joined from shoulder to big toe, with your chests and one leg literally smooshed together, touching all the way down.

There is simply no other way to maintain control of the beautiful (and truly fun) move than to stay connected in this way. And that, my friends, is only after you’ve spun around and slammed squarely into your partner’s hold. Kind of poetic, isn’t it? Still, even when you appear to be leaning on him, dragged across the floor, you maintain your balance over your own two feet. It is when everything is controlled and everything is balanced that it works. Sparks fly, the music sings, and you feel simply amazing.

I'm a child at heart, so nothing signals fun for me like flinging myself into the air. The dance weekend crescendoed for me in the "aerials" class. Remember the trampoline days? Jumping on the hotel bed before Dad came in to stop you? Jumping high to land hard in warm, squishy mud puddles? But having a dance partner fling you into the air to the rhythm of vintage swing music- absoultely delirious fun! Yesterday, the key to the best, safest, and most satisfying aerials was inevitably connection. Losing connection with your partner when he’s flinging you up, out, or around his body is at very least awkward and at worst ends disastrously in a heap of broken bones and dislocated other things. But let’s revisit the “fun” part of this; you don’t have fun without trying, cutting loose, being bold, and, sometimes, practicing. We practiced our fun yesterday. Over and over again. It was never about our rhythm, our strength, or anything other than our connection, and listening to each other. A firm hand grip with relaxed arms and shoulders, just a bit of good timing, and I was way up and back down with a graceful swoop. I was fearless. I could do anything.

Connectedness is like that. Never mind that some partners forgot their deodorant, have bad breath, some of us are short, some tall, some lean and some well-fed; any partner with the intention to connect can lead (or follow) the most beautiful dance. With all our differences, people with whom we connect make us feel at home in the world, add spring to our step, sparkle to our world, and lift to our flight. On the other hand, it can be disorienting to be partnered with someone without a connection. We don’t “get” each other, our steps don’t "dance," the music seems out of sync with us, when it’s really us out of sync with the music of life. I can recall many a waltz in which a partner offered nothing but rubber band arms, and the entire dance was spent trying to connect and find the step. But I also have a cache of memories of sparkling dances with those who led me with a firm but relaxed grip in just the right place, and the two of us, perfectly connected, experienced a few moments of joy together. And sometimes even a few goosebumps.

If we start out in sync and lose connection, we’re quick to ask, “Who moved?” Confusion sets in; sometimes even chaos. When we start out with no connectedness but try in vain to dance the song through, we wonder the whole time “What am I doing wrong?” Many believe we’re all interconnected from the get-go, and that we only need maintain openness to others. Others, like me, believe that connectedness with others will always require effort. Still others believe some are born connected while others aren’t, and it’s up to us to find those special best friends or soul mates. Regardless of our beliefs, any effort spent perfecting our connection surely improves us. I believe that being attentive to how and when we connect casually and intimately makes us better partners, stronger people. Listening with eye contact is a very good place to start. And it certainly doesn’t hurt our skill on the dance floor.

So while I have no regular dance partner I’ll keep practicing my moves. Dance moves, that is. I have the opportunity to learn from many different dancers with many different styles of leading, moving, holding and, occasionally, flinging. Having different "leads" will accentuate what I consistently do that could use some improvement. I’ll focus on my own sense of balance and “ frame.” And nothing is stopping me from just flinging myself into the air once in a while just for fun. For a dancer at heart, could there be a better opportunity than this? Share